Love Poem by EE Cummings

Helen Dudley

After Freya’s transplant, when we were first back at home, my love for Freya and my need to protect her became an acute and physical sensation. It was especially fierce when I tried to get some rest at night, knowing she was just down the hall and that maybe she might need me.

To be able to get to sleep I had to shut my eyes and imagine that aching feeling as a painfully bright ball of light– then imagine it being carefully wrapped up until the light became diffuse and gentle. It was such an immense feeling that this was the only way I could make it bearable enough sleep.

I do not think I will ever love anyone in the same way and with the same fierceness that I loved Freya. She was my little Frodo and I hope I was her Sam, helping her along even though I couldn’t match her talent, intelligence and bravery.

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)
i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)